Are your kids at the center of your decisions or are emotions or revenge getting in the way?
As a professional mediator and Parenting Specialist I hear and see decision that are not always in the best interest of the children. That may not be a surprise to many of you that observe it in other’s behavior. Those embroiled in the iddle of a divorce or the aftermath of a lengthy litigated battle either can’t see how the decisions that are making impact their children.
In a culture that thrives on competition and where winning is everything, Moms and Dads forget to focus on the kids best interests and not what is necessarily best for them. Face it, it is hard to turn off the negative emotions toward some one that you have been arguing with and be expected to now parent with them when you couldn’t do that when you were in the same house.
It takes a special person to put the past in the past and not let that influence how you act going forward. But that is just what you need to do. Treat that person you spent 10 to 25 years married to as someone you have just met and now are in a business relationship of raising kids together. How would you treat them if you had just met them? Probably better than you would if you had just divorced them, right?
I see so much energy used up in focusing on the negative. Why give that person so much power over you? Have you ever heard the phrase kill them with kindness? It works!!! You can’t control who they are but you can chose how you will be as a person and how you will act not react to any situation. You are in control and get to chose how you will be for yourself and your children.
So if you are going through a divorce or dealing with a former spouse, think first of your children and what is in their best interest! They are the greatest gift and the legacy you will leave!
Jeff Johnson of Johnson Mediation
